Hey, Look! It's a Post!

Over on Instagram, they have this wonderful world of craft swaps and I've clearly lost my mind, because I joined approximately 12 billion of them. Or 12. Whatever. The one coming up next is the #doctorwhocraftswap2015 and there is some incredible work out there. I highly suggest perusing that hashtag on IG, because these people get creative AF. Here's some of the work I'm sending off come June 1.

I mean, seriously. Look at that adorable face. I almost wish I'd made this for myself. Who doesn't need an adipose kitchen towel!?

I actually didn't like this piece at first, but it grew on me and now I don't want to send it off. 

I Threw My Pie For You

Like most Netflix watchers, I obsessively ran through Orange is the New Black in a glorious binge watch over a 24-hour period. I also ordered the book the series is based on around episode 3 of my binge watch. (Spoilers: the series is way more dramatic and entertaining, but the book did spur me on to investigate what I can do for prison reform.) Needless to say, this series has permeated the day-to-day conversations of most of my friends. A largely inappropriate Twitter conversation involving @VanitySized , her Crazy Eyes like love for @Miss_Anthrope, and @DavidPLew's subsequent anguish over being assigned the role of Jason Biggs/Larry in their forbidden Sapphic love triangle resulted in this free handed embroidery.

A Mad Tea Party Sculpture

I've been wanting to do this project since I saw a tiny teacup jumble jewelry stand at an overpriced department store. Of course, being an overpriced department store, it was almost $70 for a tiny stand that wouldn't hold all of my jewelry if it were able to grow to twice its size. Being me, I immediately said, "Pfft. I can do that." Fast forward almost two years later and I'm just now doing this project... surprising no one. In the meantime, Plutonium Paint was kind enough to send me some of their spray paint to check out, so that was a perfect opportunity for me to make my teacup sculpture.

Here's what you need to make one of your own:

• Teacups. They can be matching or mismatched. I bought mine at my local Salvation Army for 15 cents per teacup and got a plethora of different teacups - some matching, many not.
• A plate to stack your teacups on. (Also obtained at the SA for 50 cents.)
• Some type of adhesive. I used Loctite Epoxy gel & was pretty impressed with its adhesive properties. After I put all the teacups I wanted together, I waited about 5 minutes and flipped the whole thing upside to see how well it would stay together (also known as the Dairy Queen Blizzard test) and it didn't budge an inch. Which is amazing. Most adhesive gels need to "settle" for at least 24 hours before they're at optimum adherence. 
• Spray paint. As I said before, Plutonium Paint was kind enough to send me some spray paint and I was very impressed. (They're not paying me for this information, by the way.) It covered VERY well. It only took one coat whereas if I were using some of the leading brands, it may take up to 3 or 4 coats. I was able to spray from various angles without it clogging - even upside down. You definitely don't need a primer with this spray paint, so ultimately, you'd save money because you'd use less paint and wouldn't need a primer. It doesn't even drip if you overspray. I tried to misuse this paint every way that was possible and it still looked beautiful regardless of anything I did to mess it up. It dried very quickly and you want to know what the best part was? IT SMELLED LIKE VANILLA WHEN IT DRIED. I've already put the sculpture on top of a bookshelf and can't stop sniffing in its general direction when I pass by there. It's almost become a problem. Almost. 

Okay. So... to make your very own delightful teacup sculpture, first you need to clean your teacups to make sure there isn't any adhesive from the tiny price stickers. When I was done doing that, I placed all of the teacups out so I could choose which ones I wanted to use. As you can tell, I was also indulging in my current Netflix addiction, 30 Rock. What you can't see from this picture is the delectable Bloody Mary I was also also indulging in. I don't know who introduced me to olives in Bloody Marys, but god bless that individual.

Unfortunately, there would be no spray painting inside this particular day, so I had to turn 30 Rock off and go outside. Mainly because my boyfriend has forbidden me from spray painting inside. Again. >.>

Set up your teacups and plate on whatever you're choosing to spray paint on and get to spraying. 

Normally, I'd admonish you all to spray carefully and evenly with light, even strokes in the same direction, taking care to not overspray. I did that with all of the teacups, but with the plate, I tried my "misuse" approach. No dice. It looked just like the teacups - evenly covered and painted with no splotches of paint. Freaking amazing. 

Once everything is dry, take them back inside to start putting everything together. This is where the fun of mixing your epoxy gel comes in. I bought the kind that has two plungers in one container to avoid putting forth great effort. Remember: I'm lazy. 

Once the epoxy gel was mixed, I used a toothpick to apply it to the teacups so they wouldn't fall down all willy nilly like teacups are wont to do. 

Once I was through putting the teacups in the positions I preferred and let the epoxy dry, I sadly discovered that it dries... white-ish.  

Nice. So back to the spray paint I went. 

In the end, the teacup sculpture looks great.

I'll probably end up putting it in our bedroom to save it from the kittens from Hell. God forbid I could ever own a normal pet.

 Seriously. What kind of cat seduces the camera? It's not right. 

New projects!

With the nice weather now here, I'm more inclined to take my projects outside and work on them. I can get a tan and be creative at the same time. ^_^

Sorted through my multitudes of blank paintables and chose 2 to start on.

One of my good ol' standby paper mache hearts! 

I needed a certain "blue" and I think I got there with these three. A little hint: the  name of the color on the far left. ;)

 This project, when I finish it, may be a gift for someone, but I haven't decided yet.

I NEEDED to have this color. I knew I'd be using it for something down the road.

And, of course, i used it on one of my favorite things to paint.

The plan for the skull is another Day of the Dead type mask, but without all the bright colors. Thinking just black and white details. We'll see how it all works out.

"Taxidermied" Dinorawrs

Last night, I got into a terrible snit after hearing about the Komen Foundation defunding Planned Parenthood, so I needed to be destructive. Most of the time my destructiveness has a creative end in mind, so when I picked up a hacksaw at my local 24 hour all-purposes store (read: evil Wal-Mart), I also grabbed some plastic dinosaurs.

When I got home, I promptly terrified my boyfriend with the hacksaw (I never did adhere to that whole "pointy things are dangerous, don't point them at people" rule...) and then settled down at my fabulous craft station (read: kitchen table) to destroy something awesome and then make it into something even more awesome.

Pulling out some wooden plaques I had lying about, I assembled my materials.

Ingredients:

• black spray paint
• plastic dinosaur of your choosing
• wooden plaque
• fabric you're willing to cut up
• sawtooth picture hanger
• hacksaw
• scissors
• hot glue gun & glue
• optional: sandpaper for if your wooden plaque is a little rough around the edges. But then again, aren't we all?

First, I grabbed a dinosaur, made him walk all over the table like the ferocious plastic beast he is, then snagged a wooden plaque.


Holding the plaque up to the dinosaur, I determined at what angle I wanted him to protrude from the plaque. Once I had this figured out, I proceeded to use the hacksaw to cut him in two.

Take notice of the attitude on Lennon, the T-rex, (I think... these plastic dinosaurs are kind of ambiguous, quite frankly, so I suppose my opinion is the one that counts, since they're my dinosaurs, so I'm calling him a T-rex. An oddly misformed T-rex, but a T-rex nonetheless), while his friend Thor* (the apatosaurus) is being hacked in half by a slightly deranged Southerner transplanted in Yankee-land. (This is what I'm holding responsible for my obvious split from reality in choosing to cut dinosaurs in half.)

I got into a pretty good rhythm until I realized that I didn't want to cut a hole in the kitchen table, so I had Chuck hold the dinosaur while I cut through the last of his poor little plastic body. Then VOILA! I had a dinosaur cut in two.


See also: please ignore my (also slightly deranged) boyfriend eating oranges in the background. God knows I tried to, but it's a little difficult when you have this face staring holes INTO YOUR SOUL while you cut dinosaurs in half.


Even though I was just planning on doing one "taxidermied" dinosaur in one sitting, I decided to go ahead and saw Lennon in half. He earned it - he was such a shit talker while Thor was being cut in two. You deserve what you get, Lennon. You. deserve. what. you. get. What a dick.


Even though I was doing this project at two in the morning, I still needed to spray paint my wooden plaques, so I carried them outside to do so. I never thought I would find myself saying this, but most of the damn snow is gone, so I had to go in search of somewhere appropriate for me to spray paint. (I've been just laying whatever I needed to spray paint directly on the ground on top of the snow.) Luckily, I found a small patch of snow left to spray paint on and proceeded to spray like a mother. (But not like a human mother. We don't want to upset @elcinco or give joy to @tedbigsby.) Once the plaques were mostly dry, I brought them back in to dry some more and give the apartment a lovely fragrance of spray paint fumes. I'd post a picture of me spray painting the plaques, but it was really dark and I've been using my phone to take pics, so they didn't come out.
Whilst heating up my glue gun, I went ahead and started cutting out my fabric, using a drinking glass from my pledging days as a template for the shape.


I may or may not have accidentally sharpied the glass. >.>
Oh, well. It'll come off with an alcohol swab. Of which I have a total of none. ::shrug::
Now that the glue gun was heated up and dripping globs of hot glue jizz all over the table, it was time to attach the fabric to the plaque! Starting at one edge of the fabric circle, I began making strips of glue across the diameter of the awesome argyle circle. In the end, I set the pledging glass right side up on the fabric to squish the glue down and form a good seal.

After trimming the random fabric "hairs" from my awesome argyle circle, Thor was ready to take center stage of his taxidermy career. Hot glue went all over his back end and I pressed it into the center of the awesome argyle circle.

After running another strip of hot glue around the outside of Thor's tiny besieged plastic body to make sure he stayed stuck to the plaque, I flipped the plaque over to attach the sawtooth picture hanging hook.

As you can tell, unlike my mother who believed that the back of any craft should be as pretty as the front, I don't give a rat's ass what the back of my crafts look like.

Sadly, the plaque was a little too thin for me to hammer the tiny sharp nails into it, so I ended up using the hot glue gun to attach it.

And with that, I was through with my "taxidermied" dinosaur!

[That's an 8x10 photo on the left for size comparison.]

Bonus pic: I'm the Nelly of the Crafty Bitch World. I poured a little diet orange soda out for my homies.

And now for you: if you liked Thor, the "taxidermied" dinosaur & want one of your own, leave a comment detailing what your favorite dinosaur is and why. You can leave your comment on my Facebook, Twitter, or here. I'll pick my favorite on February 8 & send you your very own "taxidermied" dinosaur, featuring Lennon, the Dickish Maybe T-rex!


*I named Lennon for John Lennon. No reason other than I was listening to Oh My Love when I started the project. Thor is named so because the apatosaurus used to be the brontosaurus, which means "thunder lizard."

Incredibly Cute Cross-stitch on Epbot Blog...

How cute is this???

Go here.

(In case you don't already follow Epbot, it's the OTHER blog of the incredibly funny and wonderful Jen of CakeWrecks fame.  I highly recommend both blogs!)

tdro's Weekend Craft Roundup

Occasionally I go on weekend-long crafting binges.  I am going to attempt to document some of these so that you can see what I've been up to instead of having a social life.  ;p

Most of my crafting is done in my home office/craft storage room/guest bedroom.  Though when it looks like this, I'm not sure if even the smallest guest could fit in it...

Ribbon, flowers, feathers, soap molds, glue, horns, hats, boxes, and a bed.  I swear it's under there.

Fallout 3 WIP

Hey everyone, Mal here! I just wanted to share my current xstitch project...a Fallout 3 inspired piece. Half of his hair ended up looking funky the way the pattern had it, so I'm going to fix it soon.

I got back into cross-stitching several months ago and I've been having a blast doing it. I picked up this particular pattern over at http://www.spritestitch.com/ where they have a ton of geek/game inspired cross-stitch patterns.

I'm by no means an expert but if you have any questions about cross-stitching, feel free to shoot me a tweet or an email!